Category: Stories

Local wrestler Hayden Loeve, 31, better known as “Dutch” to wrestling fans, has raised £2,135 at a charity event he organised in memory of his mum.

The Lincoln Fight Factory Wrestling Heavy Weight Champion began planning the Body Slam to Cancer event the day after his Mum, Dee Mansell, died following a four year battle with cancer.

Hayden said: “Mum had always wanted to see me fight in the ring but sadly due to her illness she never got the chance. We had planned for her and a friend to come and watch but she was rushed into hospital where she died three days later.

“We had often spoken about putting on a show for charity as Mum was desperate to give something back to the people who had helped her through her darkest times. That’s why, alongside my wife and brothers, I threw myself into organising this event. I was determined to achieve Mum’s goals for her.”

Dee, 54, was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer in 2010 and despite being given the all clear the cancer returned. This time she had found a cancerous lump on her neck which had spread into her lungs.

Hayden said: “Even when Mum received the second diagnosis she remained positive and hopeful that she may get better. I had read enough on the internet to know that this outcome was very unlikely, but I didn’t say anything to her, I just let her enjoy the time she had left.

“Part of her enjoying the time she had left was the time she spent at St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice in Gainsborough. When the word ‘hospice’ was first mentioned it set alarm bells ringing in my head. I thought it would be like a care home, all doom and gloom and depressing.

“I couldn’t have been more wrong. The place was warm and welcoming, and the staff and volunteers went the extra mile to look after the entire family. It was a relief to know that Mum was getting the help she needed and that we would be involved in her care.”

Dee regularly attended the Day Therapy Centre in Gainsborough where she accessed complementary therapies, such as Indian Head Massage, Reiki and relaxation techniques.

Hayden said: “I remember speaking to Mum after she’d had a massage and she told me how good it had made her feel. She said she felt completely relaxed and at ease, which was a welcome relief from the side effects she was experiencing from her medication.

“Day Therapy also provided Mum with crucial social support. She had the opportunity to make new friends and speak to people in a similar situation to her own. St Barnabas played a crucial role in Mum’s journey, right until the end, and for that reason alone we were compelled to give something back.”

The Body Slam to cancer wresting event was held at Yarborough Leisure Centre on Friday 10th October and attracted an audience of over 350 people. The event saw support from wrestlers across the country who battled to win the Dee Mansell Charity Memorial Cup.

Hayden said: “We are so grateful for each and every person who helped to make this event a success. Everybody donated their time which meant as much money as possible went directly to charity.

“We are already in talks with St Barnabas for next year’s Body Slam to Cancer which we hope will be even bigger and better. The show helped us to grieve as a family and putting our efforts into something positive made us feel good again.

“I hope that we can create a lasting legacy to Mum. The strong, courageous and passionate woman who just wanted to give something back.”

Cathy Poulton, aged 73, from Bardney in Lincolnshire turned to St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice who transformed her caring experience.

Cathy Poulton has been the sole carer for her husband Ted, aged 78, for the past three and a half years. He requires daily care since the onset of dementia and the muscle wasting disease ataxia. Cathy herself has faced personal health struggles when she underwent surgery in 2010 to have a tumour removed from her pituitary gland, at the base of her brain.

Cathy said: “The tumour was discovered during a routine eye test and although I was worried at first it was soon removed successfully. However just seven days after the operation I began to suffer with sickness and I was readmitted to hospital were I learned I had suffered a bleed.

“The sickness soon passed but unfortunately the bleed had severely and permanently affected my eyesight, leaving me with little more than tunnel vision in my left eye. Despite all this I am grateful that the operation went well and I am even more grateful to still have some vision.

“It was crucial that I retained my mobility and independence, not just for myself but because keeping me well means I can continue to care for Ted.”

Despite only having partial eyesight Cathy cares for Ted alone. She does all the cooking, cleaning and household chores. She is also Ted’s emotional support as he struggles to understand and accept his conditions.

Cathy said: “The tragic part about these two conditions is that one progresses the other. They feed off one another and Ted has begun to deteriorate rapidly. He can’t be left alone for long, which means I can’t go out and see friends as much as I’d like. Ultimately, he relies on me entirely. Our whole lives are dictated by Ted’s illness.

“Ted doesn’t realise how bad he actually is. He doesn’t recognise that his behaviour is out of the ordinary. It’s sad really. There are times when he just sits in his chair staring endlessly out of the window for hours, his face expressionless and his eyes vacant. His behaviour can be very erratic, one minute he is completely on the ball and then the next he acts like a small child.

She added: “Caring full-time can often leave you feeling isolated and cut off from society. It is important to have someone who can meet you half way and support you. That’s where St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice has proven to be a lifeline.”

Cathy’s caring experience was transformed when she finally got support from St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice when she began accessing Day therapy in late 2013.

Cathy said: “I first learned how St Barnabas could help me at a brain tumour seminar I attended as there was a guest speaker from the charity in attendance. I had gone along with a friend who was insistent that I contact St Barnabas as she recognised that they might be able to support my role as a carer. Although a little hesitant I followed her instruction and made an appointment for a consultation.

“That was last October and I have been attending on a weekly basis ever since. I was immediately struck by how helpful and empathetic the staff there are. They have helped to put my mind at ease by creating an emergency carer’s plan which details how Ted would be cared for if I became unwell.

“It has also been wonderful to have the opportunity to talk openly and freely; I don’t have to bottle everything up, and I know it sounds strange, but I could never speak to my GP like that. They have also been able to offer me advice on living with my own condition and have taught me how to overcome fatigue.

“Being a full time carer can be stressful and exhausting and I often find it difficult to relax. When I’m at home with Ted I’m always on edge, if he’s in another room I’m straining to listen out, worried that he may have a fall or need my help.

Cathy concludes: “Day Therapy offers me a tranquil environment and the chance to have time out from my everyday life. I am so grateful to the outstanding staff and volunteers I have met. I’d be absolutely lost without St Barnabas now.”

Terry Wright, aged 68, from Lincoln called St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice to help care for his wife Christine, aged 64, during her final twenty four hours.

After forty-six years of marriage, Terry and his wife Christine had shared many special moments together. They had two beautiful daughters and doted on their five grandchildren. In 2008 Terry noticed a sudden change in Christine’s behaviour, although not realising it at the time, this would be the beginning of a four year battle.

Terry said: “You just know when something’s not quite right and that’s when Christine confided in me that she thought she had breast cancer after finding a lump in her breast. Her Mother herself had died from the disease and this was the catalyst for Christine refusing to seek medical intervention, instead vowing to battle the cancer herself.

“I didn’t necessarily agree with her decision but at the end of the day it was her decision to make. Christine hadn’t been to see a doctor in almost twenty years and she was adamant that she wasn’t about to start. Along with the rest of the family I vowed to support her in any way we could, every step of the way.”

For the first two years Christine managed her symptoms well and continued to live a good quality of life with little disruption to her daily routine.

Terry said: “By 2010 Christine’s condition and symptoms were beginning to worsen. She was losing weight which was affecting her ability to get about and she would often be left weak and listless. It was heart-breaking to climb into bed with the woman you love each night and watch her disappearing before your eyes as she slowly became nothing but skin and bone. With Christine refusing all outside help it was left to me and the family to care for her at home in the best way we could.

“By now she was becoming so weak that she could no longer get up without my help. Surprisingly in all this time she never complained once and the only medication she took was paracetamol and Rennies. If she was in any pain she certainly never showed it.”

By December 2012 Christine was housebound and the cancer had broken through her skin leaving her with an open wound. Realising that they could no longer cope alone Terry called St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice for help.

Terry said: “Two nurses arrived shortly after my phone call and immediately set about washing and changing Christine and making her as comfortable as possible. As soon as they arrived I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, just knowing that somebody was there to help was a huge relief. Christine was extremely poorly and I knew in my heart that we didn’t have long left together.

“The nurses returned later that day to ensure Christine was still comfortable and to reassure me that they were at the end of a phone if I needed them. Later that evening I climbed into bed with Christine for what would be the final time. She told me how she felt like she was letting everyone down, which of course I immediately refuted. Sadly those would be the last words I would ever hear Christine say, as she passed away a few short hours later.

“I know that Christine only received care from St Barnabas for one day but they really did make such a difference in her final hours, and two years on, they are still making a difference to me. The wonderful hospice at home nurses have been in regular contact and even send a card on the anniversary of Christine’s passing.”

Terry and his family are now active supporters of St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice and are heavily involved in many of the charity’s annual fundraisers.

Terry said: “The whole family has thrown themselves into fundraising for St Barnabas and we just want to raise as much money as possible and give something back to such a deserving organisation. What I like about St Barnabas is that the care is there when you need it the most and the people are so genuine.

Terry concludes: “It’s the small things that make the biggest difference, like they take the time to remember your name; it’s that level of personal care that really matters. Before Christine’s passing I didn’t know a single person at the charity but they have welcomed me with open arms. You never have to feel like you are alone; it’s just like being a part of one big family.”

Mick Orr, aged 65 and Amanda Orr, aged 56 from Cherry Willingham in Lincoln explain how St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice helped Mick return home following complications in his fight against cancer.

In April 2014, Amanda Orr, learned the devastating news that her husband, Mick Orr, had just a short time to live and as a result would be transferred to St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice inpatient unit, following a five-week hospital stay.

Only eleven months earlier Mick had been diagnosed with an aggressive and incurable form of prostate cancer which had led to him being hospitalised after collapsing at home.

Amanda recalled: “It was such a blow to think that this could be the end. That Mick was leaving me and our family after he had fought so hard. He underwent tests at the hospital which revealed he had suffered spinal cord compression from the secondary cancer in his bones and began a course of radiotherapy immediately.

“Unfortunately the spinal cord compression led to a host of complications and, over the course of five-weeks, his health deteriorated. It was then suggested we transfer to St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice.

“That was five-weeks ago and I am happy to say that Mick is still with us and he is in high spirits. People assume you come to the hospice to die but that is not always the case and certainly was not true for Mick. He has gone from strength to strength at St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice and, amazingly, he is being discharged next week to return home.”

During his stay at the eleven-bed inpatient unit on Nettleham Road in Lincoln Mick has received specialist patient-centred care that is bespoke to his needs.

Amanda said: “Mick has really benefited from the care of the specialist nurses and doctors at the hospice who are available to him twenty-four hours a day. Pain management has always been administered quickly and efficiently and this has ensured that Mick has remained pain free and comfortable. He has also had daily sessions with physiotherapists and complementary therapists who have worked to improve Mick’s mobility and to rehabilitate him.

“We have been so impressed with the quality of care Mick has received at the hospice; simply put it has been outstanding. The staff and volunteers here really go that extra mile, nothing is ever too much trouble, and all you have to do is ask. It really is home from home as best as it can be in this situation.”

Whilst at St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice Mick had a special ‘sail away’ party. Mick and his wife had been due to set sail on a cruise around Spain in mid May, as a late celebration for his 65th birthday, which had been postponed due to chemotherapy treatment.

Amanda said: “We had booked the cruise in December to celebrate Mick’s birthday alongside some of our closest friends. It was also an opportunity for Mick to say his final goodbye as it was likely that he wouldn’t see them again. However as the departure date grew nearer it became apparent that Mick wouldn’t be well enough to go, even after the progress he had made with St Barnabas.

“I wasn’t about to let this slip by unnoticed and with the help of our fabulous daughter Karen and the staff at the hospice we transformed his surroundings into a special ‘sail away’ party. We hung boat themed decorations around the ward, laid on champagne and canapés in the conservatory and set up a video link to our friends on-board the ship to toast them as they set sail.

“We had saved £600 spending money for the cruise but we have decided to donate it all to St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice as a way of repaying them for their first class care and support. Even our daughter’s dog was welcomed into the hospice to join in the various festivities. Just the week before we had all enjoyed an impromptu concert outside, from another patient and their band, and Mick was even able to be wheeled out onto the patio in his bed.”

Mick and Amanda have also utilised other services from St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice including welfare support and Advance Care Planning.

Amanda said: “Writing an Advance Care Plan was not easy or comfortable but it was necessary. It is a real comfort to know that when things get difficult Mick has already made decisions about the sort of care he is happy to receive and ultimately where he would like to be at the very end. This allowed Mick to take back some control over his cancer and leaves us free to enjoy the time we have left together.

“Mick’s continued positivity and the ethos at the hospice have taught us both that a cancer diagnosis doesn’t mean life has to just stop. If people could witness first hand what the hospice is really like, and how people with cancer and other terminal illnesses can be helped here, they wouldn’t hesitate to get behind their fundraising efforts. I have seen first hand how hospice care makes a remarkable difference.”

Amanda concludes: “It really is a cruel irony that St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice is reliant on charitable donations when it is such an integral part of our community.”

Since writing this article Mick suffered further complications and sadly passed away peacefully on Monday 2nd June 2014, pain free and in the company of his loving wife.

Lesley Markham, aged 63, from Lincoln was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer and was given just two years to live.

In 2012, Lesley underwent surgery to have her kidney removed after she was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. Despite a successful operation, just five months later in April 2013, a routine scan revealed Lesley had secondary liver cancer and she received the devastating news that she had just one or two years left to live.

Lesley recalled: “I wasn’t expecting to receive good news but I never expected to hear the word ‘terminal’ either. But with seven lesions on my liver and an even larger growth on my renal vein there was nothing more they could do. If they were to operate it was highly likely that I’d bleed to death.

“With no other options available to me I began palliative chemotherapy which is slowing the growth of the lesions. After all, I’m not ready to die yet. I still have things I want to do, people I’d like to meet and places I’d like to see. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve lived a full life with no regrets but I’d like to have just a little more time.”

In May 2013, Lesley was introduced to St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice when she attended their Day Therapy Centre in Lincoln. It was with the help of the hospice that she began to plan for the end of her life.

Lesley said: “During my initial visit I began to work with the healthcare professionals to produce my Advanced Care Plan. In a nutshell this is a document that details what treatments I am happy to receive, where I would like to be cared for and ultimately where I would like to die.

“It really isn’t as morbid as it might sound and actually it has been a real comfort to me. I can be confident that, even if further down the line I am unable to communicate, my wishes will still be carried out. Having an Advanced Care Plan has taken away some of the uncertainty and has given me some control back.”

The Day Therapy Centre in Lincoln is one of eight across the county which specialise in providing care and support to people who are seriously ill and at the end of life.

“At first, when St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice was mentioned I couldn’t understand how they could help someone like me. I thought the hospice is for people who are dying isn’t it? I mean, I know I’m dying but I’m not bed ridden or anything.

“I couldn’t have been more wrong and was surprised to discover the wealth of activities and therapies that were available to me. I have taken Reiki and T’ai Chi classes to help with relaxation and have regular meetings with the Occupational Therapist who has improved my sleep and helped me to control my anxiety which had often resulted in me waking in the middle of the night panic stricken that I was going to die.”

Lesley continues: “One of the worse things about having terminal cancer is that I had to give up my working life which meant having cancer could have been an extremely lonely experience. That is the beauty of Day Therapy, I am able to socialise with people who are in a similar situation to my own and, best of all, we can have real and honest conversations that are free from pity.”

St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice is an independent charity that cares for more than 6,000 people annually who are seriously ill and at the end of life. Each year they must raise £3.4 million in order to continue their provision of services county-wide.

Lesley said: “We need this hospice. You never know what’s down the road for yourself or a family member and without it who would offer so much love at the end? You are more than just a statistic in a bed; you are treated with genuine care and respect and that is why people should continue to support the hospice in any way they can.”

In addition to accessing the services at St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice as a patient Lesley also volunteers on a weekly basis and provides the fundraising team with administration support.

Lesley said: “I applied to become a volunteer because of all that they were doing for me. I was desperate to give something back to the people and organisation that had helped me at a time when I needed it the most whilst I was still fit and able to do so. Volunteering has allowed me to return to the workplace with flexibility and an understanding that on the bad days I don’t have to go in.

“Meeting the people who work behind the scenes, so to speak, further confirmed to me what a wonderful place the hospice really is. I haven’t met a single person here who doesn’t care; in fact, the people here go beyond caring. They rejoice with you when something goes well and offer support when times get hard.”

Lesley concludes: “It’s like the hospice acts as your very own safety net, with arms open wide and a reassuring touch of the shoulder that says ‘don’t worry, we’ve got you.’”

Jane Lowe, aged 40, backs charity fundraiser ‘One Night in a Onesie’ after her Mother receives St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice care.

In 2002 Jane’s mother was diagnosed with having a Meningioma non-cancerous brain tumour. She underwent surgery and the tumour was successfully removed, however, by 2010 the tumour had returned and Jane’s mother had a second successful operation. Tragically in 2012 the tumour had returned yet again and whilst undergoing surgery a second previously undetected tumour was discovered.

Jane recalled “Due to the placement of the tumour the root was unable to be removed and in April 2013 Mum was told that the tumour had started to grow, the prognosis was not good – medically there was nothing more they could do.”

Jane’s mother began to have intermittent seizures brought on by damage caused from the surgery and by the growth of the tumour, this seriously affected her mobility and after a seizure in October 2013 she was admitted for the final time to Lincoln County Hospital.

“Mum wasn’t in a good way, the tumour was continuing to grow and the seizures had started to take their toll, resulting in a loss of the remaining movement in her upper and lower body. Mum had always been adamant that when the time came she wanted to be at home surrounded by her family. A friend of my sister suggested we contact St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice, as they would support our wish for mum to return home. Until that point we had naively thought that St Barnabas was only able to support families with Cancer, it is regrettable we weren’t aware sooner.

“St Barnabas have been by our side ever since. They were instrumental in getting everything in place so that Mum could leave the hospital and return home to us. The Hospice at home team have provided much needed support and, although their primary focus is Mum, they take the time to look after the whole family. Their visits are determined by Mum and what kind of day she is having; on the days they don’t come out they phone instead, just to check we are all okay.”

Jane has moved into her Mum and Dad’s house with her two young sons aged 9 and 13. She no longer works as a social worker, and now alongside her Father, cares for her Mother full-time. When asked how St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice had helped Jane and her family, she sat back and shook her head.

“Where do I start?” asked Jane “I can hardly put into words how invaluable St Barnabas has been. I really can’t praise them enough. The nursing team have treated us all with such sincere and genuine compassion whilst all the while ensuring Mum’s dignity.

“They help to normalise an otherwise sensitive situation by sharing this journey with us, from the tears to the laughter. Surprisingly there has been plenty of laughter, and it is those small moments, those glimmers of hope, which have kept us going from one day to the next.”

Jane continues: “Going through something like this is highly emotive, stressful and at times isolating but this is all alleviated by being able to talk to the team who fully understand our situation. You don’t have to keep explaining yourself. They have been nothing short of amazing.

“It really is important that the community continues to support St Barnabas Lincolnshire Hospice because this organisation and these people are invaluable. It is easy to convince yourself that you don’t need to get involved because situations like this won’t happen to you. But they do happen. They are happening to us right now.”

Already keen to make a difference Jane has signed up to take part in the charity’s ’One Night in a Onesie’ 10k walk on Saturday 7th June. Jane will walk as part of a 4-piece team which includes her sister Sharon, niece Beth and close family friend Charlotte. In honour of Jane’s mum the team are called ‘Shirley’s Girlies’ and have pledged to raise £500 and are already at 69% of their target. Jane’s 13 year old son and her 15 year old nephew will also join the walk as a separate team to show their support.

Jane concludes: “Following another seizure after Christmas Mum’s health has begun to deteriorate and we know it is now only a matter of time until Mum leaves us. I also know that St Barnabas will be there for us all when it happens and that in itself is reassuring. It is because of St Barnabas that Mum is getting the one thing she really wanted; to spend what little time she has left at home surrounded by her family.”

You can support Jane and her team on JustGiving: http://www.justgiving.com/teams/ShirleysGirlies/