It was thanks to the wonderful team at St Barnabas that my partner John was able to spend his final weeks at home, just as we wanted. No matter what needed sorting, they’d say, “Don’t worry” – and I didn’t have to.
From the first time John stayed at St Barnabas to the team’s support at home during the last three months of his life, it was obvious just how much everyone at the hospice truly cares. They took care of so many practical things I didn’t have the time or headspace to deal with, like arranging the right equipment to keep John comfortable and helping me with paperwork so we could have help from carers.
In those last few months, John could no longer get out of bed. Fortunately, I was fit enough to still care for him at home, and I feel incredibly thankful. But the prostate cancer had spread to his bones, including his skull, and the pressure on his brain caused symptoms similar to dementia. It meant I couldn’t leave his side without him becoming distressed – not even when the carers popped in for 15 minutes.
Friends were supportive, but there was little they could do. Without any family for help, day-to-day things like showering and shopping became increasingly difficult. And there was no way I could meet up with a friend for some respite. So I never left the house and rarely saw anyone. It was emotionally and physically exhausting – and incredibly isolating.
Over time, I lost myself and felt like I was just John’s carer. But for a few times a week, the St Barnabas team made me feel like more than that.
Of course, their care for John was always the priority, making sure he was comfortable and not in pain. But they never forgot about me either. Because John felt safe with them, they gave me precious time to myself so I could call a friend or take a shower.
Sometimes I just rested. If I got two hours of uninterrupted sleep through the night, I was doing well, and tiredness took its toll. Sometimes, when John was sleeping during their visits, they’d sit and talk to me. It was nice to have a normal conversation, one that wasn’t about medication or how the night had gone.
The end of John’s life would have been so much harder for both of us if St Barnabas hadn’t been there. The team didn’t just care for John’s health – they looked after every detail. I still can’t believe they arranged for the fire service to check our house was safe before John came home.
St Barnabas gave us the support we couldn’t get anywhere else. It’s the kind of care I’m sure everyone would hope for at the end of their life or a loved one’s.
So it’s sad that something as necessary must be run as a charity – especially as costs are always rising. The thought that someone might miss out on such care in their final weeks or days because the hospice isn’t there is horrifying.
That’s why leaving a gift in my Will gives me great comfort, knowing I can help someone else benefit the way we did. A little bit really does go a long way, and if we all leave what we can, it will add up.
Thank you to Margaret, and all our legators. Your legacy will continue through the care you’ll make possible in years to come.
To find out more about leaving A Gift For Generations, please visit: Make a Will with St Barnabas Hospice