Beth, Kaitlyn, and Lola’s story: “It was like a family there”

Beth, Kaitlyn, and Lola remember their vibrant, loud, and funny mum, Sarah. They describe her as their “comfort zone” – someone who filled her house with plants and every room she walked into with warmth.

Beth says: “She always made a joke out of everything, so you literally couldn’t sit in a room without her taking the mick or making everyone laugh.”

Lola agrees: “She always knew how to make you laugh, how to cheer you up when you’re having a bad day.”

Kaitlyn adds: “She was just completely selfless. I would really, really annoy her. I was not an easy teenager. And we would have screaming matches and within five minutes, she’s going ‘come on, give me a hug’. She just had the biggest heart. You couldn’t stay mad at her. She couldn’t stay mad at you either.”

Sarah was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer at just 38 years old, in March 2024.

At first, Kaitlyn cared for her mum at home, supported by the St Barnabas Hospice at Home team. Rowan, an Advanced Clinical Practitioner with St Barnabas, was there to help manage Sarah’s symptoms, while also providing emotional and practical support to the family.

As the months passed, Sarah’s needs changed. Although she had originally hoped to remain at home, by the end of November she decided she needed more support and moved into the St Barnabas Inpatient Unit.

Knowing Sarah was receiving the specialist care she needed meant the family could focus on being together and making the most of their time with her.

Beth says: “I was a bit weird about mum going, because she originally planned to die at home and I knew that she didn’t like the hospital. But when we went to the Inpatient Unit, it’s so different, and she even said it felt like a home to her.

“I came in one day, and somebody was sat behind her chair, drying her hair and plaiting it for her, and it was just amazing to see.”

Lola explains: “I had no idea what the Hospice would be like. I had no clue. I originally imagined it would be quite intimidating, quite terrifying going there. But as soon as I stepped in, I saw her with the people in the beds next to her. She was sat there chatting, she was getting to know all the people around her. It just felt like a big home.”

Beth adds: “We had fish and chips together one day. The food was so good. It was like proper home cooked meals.”

Kaitlyn says: “It got to the point where we’d walk in and the nurses would know our cup of tea order, as well as mums. It was like a family there.”

For Kaitlyn, the support meant she could step out of the role of carer and simply be Sarah’s daughter.

“It was only when our mum came into St Barnabas that I actually felt like I could be her daughter for a bit again, rather than nurse Kaitlyn constantly thinking about morphine and med times and ‘have I done all her meals’. It was so nice to just be able to be her daughter again and rely on the help of others.

“When you’re in your early 20s, you expect to have years and years left with your parents, and we had to cram it all into such a tiny space of time. They really helped to make it special, and I’d say a massive thank you to them all.”

St Barnabas helped Sarah and her family make precious memories together, even during an incredibly difficult time. One of their most special memories was an early Christmas Day.

Kaitlyn explains: “Our mum was hoping to make it to the 25^th, but we had our early Christmas Day on the 4^th, and she passed away on the 6^th. It was completely last minute, but all the nurses helped us. Everyone set up the dining room with the big tree, and we had all our presents and a Christmas dinner and everything.

“Being able to have a Christmas with the family in the Hospice, that’s something we would have never got anywhere else and we’re so grateful that we did get that last memory. We didn’t know at the time that it was going to be days until we were losing her, but it really made a difference to have that last family get together where we just felt like we were at home.”

Beth remembers the night that Sarah died: “The night that she passed away, I had a chat with Jody in the Conservatory. There’s a lot of changes when someone is at the end of their life, and I was scared, and she sat with me. It makes me emotional because of how nice she was, and I don’t think I could have done it without them.

“And Mandy – she was in the room with us, she stayed with us. She explained everything that was happening. She was really comforting and it made it a lot nicer. That last night we spent in the Hospice; they literally did everything for us to make sure that we were okay as well.”

Sarah’s family never expected they would need hospice care, but they’re incredibly grateful that St Barnabas was there when they needed it most.

Kaitlyn says: “As a young family, with a young mum who was in the absolute perfect health, you’d never think that in a few months’ time you’d be there relying on the donations.

“It’s just incredible how many families they manage to help. Even if you don’t need the hospice right now and you’re hoping you’ll never need it, you’re supporting the families that get the devastating news. I can’t explain how grateful our family is and I’m sure so many others.”

By becoming a Friend of St Barnabas, you can help make sure families like Sarah’s have somewhere to turn when they need us most.

A regular gift of £15 a month helps St Barnabas be there for local families, so they can spend precious time together when it matters most.

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